New Life

Two weeks ago I embarked on an adventure.  A new life of freedom.  I ended my four year relationship with my fiance.  I won't get into the details but essentially, I wasn't happy.  It ranged from our sex life to trivial things like me wearing flip flops or having my hood on my head.  We fought a lot and in the end, the good did NOT outweigh the bad.  I had to get out and do right for ME.  And make myself happy before anyone else.  Before I ended the relationship I started on a journey into the kink/BDSM lifestyle.  It was just intrigue and general questioning.  My ex had no interest in exploring like me and that caused a huge strain.  I met some amazing people online and even created a separate Twitter account for me to play with/on.  One person in particular really captivated me.  I now serve Him.  I started this relationship before I had even got out of the one I was in with my ex.  But this was a LDR.  And that was new for me.  It's been amazing. 

After leaving my ex, I started thinking about all the things that caused this downfall and the eventual break up.  One of my biggest issues with him was control.  He was so controlling, even if he didn't notice it.  He would make me feel guilty for wanting to go out with my friends which would cause me to stay home instead of having fun.  And when I got my 6th tattoo we almost broke up because "girls with too many tattoos is a turn off."  So I didn't get anymore even though I wanted to so bad.  He was taking control without me giving it to him.  And thinking about that versus my relationship with Sir has my head all fucked up.  Because doesn't Sir have control over me?  I HATED being controlled by my ex, and he did it emotionally, mentally, and physically.  But here I am, taking orders and having someone control my orgasms, what I tweet and whether or not I can wear panties.  So how am I okay with this?  Easy: I took my power and embraced it, then GAVE control over to Sir.  He didn't just take it without asking like my ex.  He understands the power exchange and appreciates me more because of the strength it actually takes to release that to someone else.  I trust Him with my body, emotions, and thoughts.  I had a hard time expressing myself to my ex because I always felt like he was judging me and he wouldn't be able to accept me for who I was.  He was always trying to change me, even in the slightest ways.  Not Sir.  He takes me for what I am and doesn't try to change anything.  It's an amazing experience to have someone in my life that I can trust like that even though I've never felt His touch, had His body against mine, or felt the sting of His hand on my bare skin.

There are wolves in everyone, it's just finding the ones that tear you apart in just the right ways.